Middleagedmum.com: Adulting

As 20 something daughter gets ready to go back to university for her final year – we have that back to school feeling for the very last time. This time next year, she will be an actual adult doing actual adult things, like going to work, earning money and living an independent life. At least she hopes so and so do I.

Luckily both of my children have chosen vocational careers, so after a period of unpaid internships there is a very real possibility of a job in the industry they have chosen. In fact 20 something son is working such ridiculously long hours doing what he loves (for money thank God) that we never see him – even though he is still living at home.

When I left college I had nightmares about having to move back home. The idea of parental restrictions and suburban life was way too much to bear and I moved to a tiny hovel in Highgate costing £15 a week, as soon as I could. But our children are not held back by rules and regulations at home and feel comfortable being their true selves around their parents. Yes there are restrictions – there has to be – but cheap (or no) rent, a constant supply of food and a comfortable, clean house, more than make up for them.

Is this cosy, multi generation living or co-dependance? Are we enjoying each others company for longer than previous generations or are we creating monsters who don’t know how to do things for themselves.

Millennials have invented the term “adulting” for doing regular things like laundry and or cooking themselves dinner. The Urban Dictionary defines “adulting” as “to do grown up things and hold responsibilities such as a 9-5 job, a mortgage/rent, a car payment, or anything else that makes one think of grown ups.”

Call me old fashioned but isn’t that just life, and as parents are we guilty of creating a generation so self obsessed, that they have to invent a # for cleaning the toilet?

What do you think?

2 Comments

  • NicoleC says:

    I think we’ll all be ok as long as we’re not guilty of making life too easy for them. In my opinion, by the time they’re of university age, they should be acting as partners in the household if they’re still living at home. My son is 14 and he handles all the yard and pet care at the house now. I plan to teach him the basics of cooking and laundry over the next few years so he’ll be capable of helping with those tasks as well. And if he’s home AFTER university, I think he should contribute monetarily as well, even if it’s just a token amount. As my parents used to say while teasing me when I was a kid… Ass, cash or grass baby. Nobody rides for free! :o)

  • Wendy says:

    I think this is but part of a much larger cultural shift, that I feel is first world based.
    I live in western Canada, in one of the most expensive and non affordable housing markets in the world. We now have foreign buyer’s tax, vacant home tax, and stringent licensing of BnB’s, but still the price of real estate and renting is going up.
    It has become quite necessary for our offspring to remain at home much longer. This has resulted in financial stresses on parents if they decide to refinance their homes or cash out retirement funds to help their children to purchase homes of their own.
    Cohabitating with adult children and grandchildren is hard for many people of my generation to accept this as normal, however this has been a way of life for my fellow Canadian friends with non western European roots for many, many generations. I have noticed also that they are much more adaptable and generally happier and when their financial situations fluctuate they don’t choose to live separately.
    I think it is our ideals of “normal” and “success” that are our and our children’s biggest hurdle. I worry that there is a generation or two of younger people that will be clinically depressed because they can’t afford to own a home, have daily lattes, take two vacations a year, or have kids like mom and dad. The third generation will have normalized.
    My kids are in their 30’s now (none living with me) and I have two grandchildren. I am not their full time caregiver but I can’t help but notice that everywhere I go these days, grandparents are providing full-time day care.
    Change can be the only thing that is certain, but we are an adaptable species.
    I would love to hear about housing options and alternatives that I may not be aware of here in Canada.

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