Middleagemum.com: Where are my headphones?


‘Where are my headphones?’ I ask the breakfast table Monday morning.


With age comes the ability to lose things. I can come through the front door, put my car keys down and three seconds later forget completely where I put them.  I then shout at anyone close “Has anyone seen my keys?/ Who has taken my keys?/Oh no! I’ve lost my keys…….at which point middleagedad usually picks up keys from where I left them and say’s ‘do you mean these?’.


This happens at least once a day.


However, despite this carelessness with important items such as phones, keys and purses, I NEVER, EVER lose my iPod earphones. At any moment, I know exactly where they are because to innocently put down an iPod with earphones attached in this house of four iPod users, is to lose them into the ‘earphone black hole’ forever.


Teenagesons.com are very attached to their iPods and wonder through life permanently dangling wires from their ears while singing to some heavy rap/hip hop rant and ignoring everyone trying to talk to them.

Due to the fact that they are teenagers and therefore always losing or breaking things, someone is always missing theirs and despite buying countless new sets every few months, we are always short.


‘Who’s got my headphones?’I rant as I run for the bus to work and teenagesons.com race to school…..no one replies, they can’t hear me, all being plugged in to their sets and are out of the door so swiftly I can’t check them. I trudge to work music-less and cross.


“Who’s got my headphones?’ I scream again that evening when they are unplugged. No one apparently and there is barely disguised contempt for my sloppy behaviour at leaving my iPod unattended in the first place. It is, apparently, my fault they are missing (how is it everything is my fault?)


They are still missing on Tuesday -middleagedad has ordered more from Amazon but by Wednesday the thought of another music-less tube ride to work is unbearable so ‘borrow-with-out-telling’ eldest son’s set.


At lunchtime the family receive a very grumpy text reminding us (me) that to steal from another family member is despicable and unacceptable (funny how that never seems to work when it’s something belonging to middleagemum or dad) and that the earphones must be returned WITHOUT FAIL that evening. Go to text back and admit it was me but remember what eldest teenage son is like when cross and decide to remain silent.


Thursday morning I pull rank on middle teenage son and demand his headphones, as he is going to school and therefore will need to listen to his teachers. He hands them over but half way through the day sends text detailing how he and his girlfriend will be expecting a Chinese take-away on Friday evening as payment, it is, apparently, The Least I Can Do.


New headphones arrive on Friday, as does expensive Chinese. As we dig into the crispy duck, we all put our iPods and have a kitchen silent disco, grooving to our own beats. We giggle at how silly we look jigging around the house spilling sweet and sour sauce everywhere.


As I mop up neon orange puddles of stickiness from the floor I knock over a pile of cookery books and find – my old earphones- exactly where I had left them last weekend.

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