Middleagedmum.com; where are my shoulder pads?


I am sitting in a meeting listening to the fact that next Autumn/Winter we will be wearing Crystal Carrington/Alexis Colby 80's style power dressing. The younger members of the team are drooling over the shoulder pads, tailored jackets with cheeky peplums and dresses that wouldn't look out of place on Sigourney Weaver in Working Girl (mental note to self – must show off in next meeting about how 'Working Girl' is the quintessential 80's power dressing film!)
They are also waxing lyrical about snow washed jeans and colour blocked jumpsuits. I am trying not to sound like the oldest person in the room, but when we move onto rhinestones and leggings, I can hold it in no longer. 'I'm sorry, they are just hideous, they weren't stylish in the 80's and they are certainly not now!'
Sharp intake of breath from the young trendies and a huge sigh of relief from the other 30 and 40 somethings. 'We were wearing Body Map, Seditionaries and Katherine Hammnet or John Smedleys, MA1 Jackets, Levi's and Doc Martins. Plus we were actually making out own clothes and looking original. For Gods sake, we were even wearing cake icing on our heads!'
Well I wasn't, but Leigh Bowery was, and I remember very clearly one Tuesday night at DoDo's (fabulous one nighter in Tottenham Court Road) seeing Caryn Franklin in a swimsuit, denim jacket and Doc Martin boots, all perfectly co-ordinated with a towel on her head. Now that was stylish!

Its no good, I can rant and rant, but all I get is affectionate but slightly sympathetic looks, like when your mum calls skinny jeans, drainpipes or a Harrington, a jerkin! Poor thing they think, she doesn't get it, she's off again, reminiscing about the old days. I have turned into the fashion version of Dot Cotton.

Don't get me wrong, it's not that I don't still get excited about new trend. I have often sped down to Top Shop and grabbed the high waisted hot pant and black shiney tight combo I've spotted on the streets of Brick Lane. Only to remember I don't actually have a waist, which unfortunately, is essential to that particular look.
I can still feel the thrill of the chase when putting together a new outfit, hunting down the key components and essentials items. It's just that now, when I put them on, I tend to look more Aggie Mackenzie than Agyness Deyn (actually, I know Aggie Mackenzie and she's really quite stylish)

Thank God I have a daughter to channel my passion for fashion. When I feel myself being sucked into a look that is simply not appropriate, I buy exactly the same items, but in a size 8 and take them home to force them on teenage daughter. 'But mum, I'm not sure about a catsuit, no-one else is wearing them!'
I point out that in fact, Peaches Geldoff was wearing one only last night, at Pam Hoggs party!  I also point out that she will be the first of her friends to wear the look and how fabulous is that.
OMG I am so shallow and hate myself, will I never get over the need to prove I am 'in the know!' Luckily my daughter is not so shallow and rejects the catsuit outright, and anyway she has science homework to do (where have I gone wrong!!)

I am however, drawing the line at the 80's look, for me or long suffering daughter. I cannot and will not go there. The 80's were my selfish years, a time for excess and experimentation, clubbing and cocktails and most of all home made, mad, over the top, fabulous outfits, never to be re-created!

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