Middleagedmum.com: You keep me hanging on the telephone

One week before important family get together at MAM.com's house

OldPrincessAD01 

Press 1 if your call is about an existing repair, press 2 for our parts department, press 3 if your appliance is under a year old, press 4 if you appliance is over a year old, press 5 if you would like to speak to a person who works in a call centre in Rotherham, was once a human being but has been reprogrammed to become a robot, can only repeat instructions and not think for themselves.

We apologise for the delay.

Is it a kind of dream,
Floating out on the tide,
Following the river of death downstream?
Oh, is it a dream

You are through to the repairs department, press 1 if your appliance is under a year old, press 2 if your appliance is over a year old.

'OMG, I thought we'd been through all that!!!'

We apologise for the delay.

Bright eyes,
Burning like fire.
Bright eyes,
How can you close the pain

'Oh for heavens sake, I just want to speak to a real person and this music is driving me insane.'

We apologise for the delay, all of our operators are busy right now but we value your call.

'Do you f..k' 

'What mum?'

'Nothing, just thinking I must get some duck for the weekend.'

How can the light that burned so brightly
Suddenly burn so pale?
Bright eyes.

'You are through to the repairs department, how can I help you?'

'Hurrah (insert loud whoop of joy!) A real life person, at last, how fabulous!'

'Can I take you name, first line of your address, postcode and I have to inform you this call will be recorded to help us, help you.'

Blah, blah blah (insert, name, address etc and boring details of broken dishwasher, including how I have 12 people coming to stay over the weekend and NEED to have a dishwasher)

'Ok I can get an engineer out to you on Feb the 27th between 7am and midnight, is that ok for you?'

Want to burst into tears but remember to get things into perspective, it’s only a dishwasher.

Repeat the story about how I know what’s wrong with the dishwasher as it’s happened before and I just need a part. Please, please, please can they do it before the weekend?

 'I'll have to call you back.'

'Promise me you will, you're not just saying that to give me hope. I need you to promise you will call me back.'

'Thank you for your call and using the Indemeilelectrohoover helpline.'

24 hours later and no call back………………….

Press 1 if your call is about an existing repair, press 2 for our parts department, press 3 if you appliance is under a year old, press 4 if you appliance is over a year old, press 5 if you have lost the will to live.

Is it a kind of shadow,
Reaching into the night,
Wandering over the hills unseen,
Or is it a dream?

To be continued…………………………………

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