Middleagemum.com: changes to home services during the Olympics

Due to unexpected enthusiasm for watching The Olympics by the household management, usual home rules are being updated for the duration. It is hoped that normal services will be resumed after the Paralympics, but only if they don’t interfere with my soon-to-be-booked fencing/gymnastics/hockey lessons. Please note the following;

  • In a complete U Turn on normal habits, ALL meals will now be eaten in front of the TV until further notice. No food will be served that can’t be eaten with a fork in one hand and the remote in another.
  • In a ‘Once Only In My Lifetime’ event, normal healthy eating options will also be suspended for the duration of the games. It is likely that pizza (often takeaway) will be served a lot. Please note this offer is UNLIKELY to be repeated this century. For the next few weeks I don’t care about vegetables or your diet.
  • During the really exciting events, some meals will be subject to serious delay and cancellation, even minor interest events (shooting/archery) may cause major timetable upsets.  Now would be a good time to consider eating less and losing weight.
  • Just because at breakfast we didn’t even know that canoe-slalam even existed, doesn’t mean to say we can’t be a complete expert on the subject by lunchtime/the semi finals, whichever comes first. Do not question my expertise on Dressage knowledge if you are just sitting down to watch, I have been on the sofa absorbing useless facts since 9.00am.
  • There must be NO verbal abuse when I ask to have the red button interactive thingy explained to me for the 17th time. For women of a certain age the weirdly baffling graphics on the remote are STILL something to get cross about (please someone, design a remote control with obvious instructions!).
  • I don’t care what anyone else says, Clare Balding is fabulous. If you want pretty, concentrate on Mark Foster.
  • The watching of beach volley ball will be evenly balanced with the mens swimming events, although let’s face it, beach volley ball isn’t a sport, they hug (quite unnecessarily) all the time and play in a sandpit.
  • Sobbing with emotion when we win a medal is perfectly acceptable even if we have no idea who the person is, that we were even good at the subject (mens gymnastics for example) or even, possibly, the proper title of the sport they are doing.
  • It is unlikely that any unnecessary domestic services* will be completed during the Olympics.

*includes washing, ironing, sorting of socks and underpants into comprehensive piles, finding things, any sort of tidying, cushion plumping, door and landline telephone answering, message taking and any type of recycling.

  • The parent taxi service is also suspended until further notice. The emergency service will still be open but you had better have an EXTREMELY good reason ready to have got me off the sofa.
  • Go Team GB!



  • Helen says:

    I have been finding it difficult to get ANYTHING done, including blogging. Perving over events in the aquatic centre has become my number one priority. I have, however, been inspired to order myself a new swimsuit. I suspect I will also be compelled to investigate the purchase of a pair of running tights when the track and field starts next week.

    Could we have a TWR Olympic fashion post please?


  • Hilarious sit back relax and enjoy although am sure there is some fab (and not so) Olympic fashion out there on the streets!!
    Carla x

  • Lilac says:

    Oh great rules, may have to plagiarise

  • Belinda says:

    Yes! Yes! Yes!

  • Peep says:

    Oh yes totally agree. It’s fun isn’t it. Even got to see the opening fireworks( sort of) by hanging out my front window in dalston.

  • amanda says:

    reporting from the sofa….I am hooked, the swimming! the horse riding! the football! the gymnastics! enjoy! A

  • steffi says:

    Gold, tears, lycra, Wiggo, ping pong, Stella, diving, omg it’s an emotional rollercoaster and I am so on it. Love the post, Amanda.

  • Jodi says:

    I LOVED this so much that I forwarded it on to my family members who reposted it. They often quote the article back to me–especially the part about questioning my expertise because not only have I been watching all day–I’ve been looking stuff up on the computer–ask me how heavy a rhythmic gymnastics ball is– 400 grams! Of course, I had to change all of the GB’s to USA but other than that but it was our house since the Opening ceremonies!

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